Choke Motivational Posters

With one of my favourite novels finally coming out as a movie with actors who I am in love with, I realised how much I missed doing fanboy stuff! So here we are viral motivational poster for Choke!

But first, the movie poster:
















Here's my motivational poster, Rejoice! Man! The rush of working on a fanboy submission!
























And no, it didn't stop here. I made four more after this one. To see the others, click here.

Nonsensical Stories, but still Stories - IV

Welcome to the fourth edition of... whatever.

18. Twenty Four Hours
"If you had twenty four hours to live, what would you do?"
"Commit suicide."
"Why?"
"Well, for starters, I'd be hell depressed that I'm gonna die in a day!"

The End.


19. Chicken & curry leaves
Dinner is always watching chicken sizzling in a pan full of curry leaves and some oil. Beyond that dinner will not have any chicken because there are too many bones and curry leaves and if I wanted to fish then I'd have gone fishing and eaten fish!

The End.


20. Rocket Science
Waiting at the bus stop isn't always fun except you meet, "A Rocket Scientist."
And you say, "Really?"
"Yep, really."
"So you work for ISRO?"
"Nopes."
"NASA?"
"Nopes."
"I'm sorry, pardon my ignorance, I don't know any other organisations dealing with rockets. Which one do you work for?"
"I don't work for anyone. I'm just a rocket scientist."
"So you design/build rockets?"
"Not really."
"Then what do you do?"
"Didn't I tell you I am a rocket scientist?!"
"So what is the work a rocket scientist does?"
"Jesus, dude! Give me a break! It's not rocket science to figure out what a rocket scientist does!"

The End.


21. Your Father...

is offended because Your Mother jokes are so popular that they're on the verge of becoming a cliche. He came to me last night complaining, bitching and whining. He was drunk, "Your Mother's not funny!"
I smiled and looked up from my glasses, "Is Your Mother?"
"No, nobody's mother is not funny!"
"Then who is?"
"Your Father!"

The End.


22. Wayfarers

"What is cool?"
"Sunglasses."
"Why not caps or torn jeans?"
"Because."
"If you wear sunglasses when you're not in sun, is it cool?"
"Depends on what sunglasses you're wearing."
"What if I was wearing sunglasses indoors?"
"Wayfarers."
"Wayfarers?"
"Yep, wayfarers. Go for 'em. You'll look cool anywhere, even indoors."

The End.



-- more to come in the fourth edition --

Iggy Pop - Lust for Life

A good word to describe the music is 'insane'.

One of the best on-screen romance scenes ever!

Off lately, I've been catching a lot, and by lot I mean a LOfuckingOT of television series. I've watched all episodes of Two And A Half Men, How I Met Your Mother, 30 Rock, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Reaper, Chuck... Each of them cool in their own way but one romantic scene stood out distincter than the distinctest. It was just out there and I fell in love while watching it (with whom, I am yet to find out, but I did fall in love just watching this scene).

Chuck is a series about a geek who accidentally downloads the CIA-NSA intersect database onto his brain, two agents (one from each CIA and NSA) are out there to guard this "national property". In the first episode they discover that when triggered with the right visual input his brain gets flashes from the database that tell him more about the visual input. On the less exciting side of his life, Chuck is a nerd who repairs computers/electronics at an outlet store called Buy More. On one such boring day, he meets Lou. Lou makes sandwiches at a deli nearby and Chuck apart from being a nerd and a national secret, is a sandwich geek. That should be enough to enjoy this scene... Oh and the title credits animation with Cake's Short Skirt and Long Jacket playing as title them totally rocks this world.



P.S.: After the above scene ends the head chef says, "He had me at Pastrami..." Makes this the hottest romantic scene ever, doesn't it? What is coolest is they have this whole sandwich chemistry going on between them... Ah, it breaks my heart that she only did a 2 episode appearance in the season (of course owing to storyline and for no other reason).

Love, Labour and Fruits

The one major difference between God and the Devil is that the Devil is downright and madly in love with his job.

The one reason why the Devil is happier than God is that the Devil is downright and madly in love with his job, which for now we shall call 'his labour' and God is in love with the fruit of His labour, His creations - Us. (That is if we go by what almost all major religions say, 'God loves you!')

And in all His infinite wisdom, God once said what I will now paraphrase: "Love your work not the fruits you receive when you're done."

Oh, oh and before I forget, I have a theme song for this post:

Melanin is the anti-Chlorophyll.

This is the secret to why plants and animals are the exactly opposite living things of each other, the balance that is required to keep the secrets of the universe in their natural order.

Why Melanin is the anti-Chlorophyll?
1. Melanin does nothing to provide energy to the body. Chlorophyll is required for respiration, hence food production. Exactly opposite behaviour with respect to energy production in a living body.

2. The presence of melanin is more in the parts of the body that gets the most sunlight. Hence, presence of melanin is proportional to exposure to sunlight. The presence of chlorophyll is in inverse proportion to the exposure to sunlight. The side of the leaf which faces up ward or towards the sun is always lighter in shade of green as compared to the side of the leaf which faces downward or in the direction opposite to that of sunlight. Again exactly opposite behaviour with respect to sunlight.

Hence, proved.

Johnny B. Goode

Since I've moved to Chennai, I haven't made any blog posts. This is my first from the Tam Land. There are a lot of things I should be blogging about, experiential travelling, etc bullshit. Yes, the same things that everyone has told you before but my point of view on them all. Accents, Bad Rickshaw drivers, Evil Maamis and the rest of the world.

Truly, I've been having the time of my life for the last three weeks and so fuck it all. Yet, I must make a blogpost. It all started with landing on this website. I saw the Reggae version of Johnny B. Goode on there by Peter Tosh.



Then, it made me miss the original Chuck Berry version - so I go and radioblogclub it.


While Radioblogclubbing it, I found the Jimi Hendrix version!


and the Judas Priest version:


and of course, the Michael J Fox version from Back to the Future:


Well, there was ACDC version as well but the damned thing wouldn't load!

So see ya around till the next blog post till then, Johnny Be Good!

(I know you saw that coming, so SHUT UP!)

Air - Playground Love

Where have all my sowed seeds gone?

Parody, yes I did a parody! It started as this intention to write a very socialist red protest song about oppressed suicidal farmers and then it just became a depressing dark humour song.

Sing to the tune of:

Oh I get me ready in a torn green saree
We need to go plough all night and day
No shelter in the summer heat
The hot summer sun to beat,
Look at our children pay
You will pick the cotton, While I go sew some shirts

CHORUS:

Where is my Rajnikanth?
Where is my Farming man?
Where is my happy ending?
Where have all my sowed seeds gone?

Why don't you work the evening
And send the kids to night school
I'll find a little something to eat
Oh I know your back hurts from working as a farmer
Please don't drink your tharra my sweet

Chorus

I am having my periods tonight
But you still just want to drunkfuck me
Say our goodbyes
Say our goodbyes
Say our goodbyes

We finally sold the bakri
When we had another baby
And you took the job in the factory
You made friends at work
And you joined them at bars
Almost every single day of the week
I will wash the dishes and you come beat me

Chorus

Where is my Raja Khaini?
Where is my suicide?
Where is my fertiliser?
Where have all my sowed seeds gone?
Where have all my sowed seeds gone?
Where have all my sowed seeds gone?

Nonsensical Stories, but still Stories - III

By popular request of the author coughs, I am reviving the Nonsensical Stories, but still Stories.


13. The Bakery
There were five bakers sitting in a row. Each one had an oven. By the evening they had ready on display: Cake, Cookies, Bread Loaves, Cupcakes and Pastries. In a few hours all the produce was sold and the five bakers went to the bar for a drink. Four of them had tequila shots and one of them had a JD on the rocks. Three of them went home with a woman each. Two of them went home with each other.

The End.


14. The Lady
She was famous. She liked having rampant casual sex. The gossiping aunties said about her that she had a cave between her legs where men got lost and it took them a few days to find their way back.

One day, the aunties went out picnicking. They spread out a mat in the green grass and ate and gossiped some more. A one-legged elf, about a foot tall hopped up to them and asked them, "Would you want to meet young studs who would fuck even you?"

The aunties offended but tempted, reluctantly said, "Hmmm... are you sure?"

"As sure as the Pied Piper of Hamelin was when he promised to dispose the rats."

He hopped on as they followed him into a cave, the end of which there was a lot of light. There they met the young men who were ready as ever to jump them. The elf vanished, and the aunties were fucked till they didn't any longer want it and soon they were raped and one after the other they died of sexual asphyxation.

The End.


15. The Anthem
The Government promised to cover him with gold if he composed the most beautiful anthem in the world. He sat with all his instruments and recording equipment, locking himself up in his studio and meditated.

He wanted to make sure he caught the spirit of the nation. He did. He came out with the most beautiful one minute and twenty one seconds. When the government heard it, they covered him in gold. When the people heard it, there was no longer a government.

The End.


16. Fire in the mountain
"Fire in the mountain! Run Run Run!"
"Fire in the mountain! Run Run Run!"
There was chaos everywhere. One British man stood there, sipping his tea and reading the paper. One of the panic-stricken people came up to him and chanted, "Fire in the mountain! Run Run Run!"
"Oh relax, mate. I'd say the jolly old mountain just has a gas problem or something. He's just breaking wind."
"Fire in the mountain! Run Run Run!"
"What?"
Because he was cool and calm and everything like that, the running man believed him. He stopped his spot-running and poured himself a cup of tea from the British man's teapot, borrowed the funnies section of the newspaper and stood there chuckling to himself. And soon, there was one man after the other and another. Finally, when all men got together near the Briton, he got on top of his tea table and said, "Can someone get some Antacids please? Don't forget the anti-nauseatic pills too, else we might be facing the threat of a volcano."

Two truckloads of Gelusil (strawberry flavoured) and Domstal were emptied into the lava core of the mountain. The Briton was raised on the arms of the people who were running panic-stricken. The mountain exploded right then leaving a huge crater below it and a flying Briton who landed in Calcutta.

The End.


17. Flight of Lights
It was a sunny day in Heaven as it always is. Lord Ram was resting and it was somewhere around October and November on Earth. Orville walks up to Rama and says, "Dude, this is not happening!"

Ram pulls up his shades and looks at Orville standing over his head, puzzled. His facial expression says WTF but his mouth doesn't because you're not allowed to cuss in heaven.

Orville: "A few fucking fictional centuries ago you landed in an airplane which looked like a swan or something and people started celebrating that landing, it turned into a bloody festival of lights!"

Ram: "Huh?"

Wilbur catches up, panting (of course he didn't fly, he ran this distance): "You stole that plane too! You didn't fucking invent it."

Ram, leaning forward, whispers: "Can you cut down on the expletives, God gets really pissed off, you know. Sit down, have a drink, we'll talk about it."

Orville, pointing his fingers: "How? How can you be so cool about everything?! I am damn pissed! I want a festival of lights in the country I landed! I don't care."

Ram: "Are you in a tale of epic proportions? Was your wife stolen?"

"No."

"Did she ride back with you in that first flight?"

"Heck dude, we didn't even marry because we wanted to build the airplane!"

"Well, no wonder you don't have a festival for you."

"Huh?"

"See, for any story to be a hit, you need a woman. A love interest. Go watch The Rules of the Game and learn that. So when you land with your love interest and not ON your love interest, the story is a hit and a festival follows. You passed, son, you needed a feminine touch. Now, go back and play with your toys."

(Co-conceptualised with fellow nonsense connoisseur Sharan T.)
The End.

-- more in the third edition to come soon, right now out of nonsense --