Friday, September 29, 2006

Some women suck brains out with a syringe OR Zzzgk!

No, no, they do! You see they're the ones who're a little pretty, flaky, carry themselves off like prom queens in a scary movie and talk with an accent that's a brilliant blend of about twenty thousand accents. Now, this is a story about my encounters and how my brains were collected in a jar which I never saw.

You see, I was out with this female friend once and she was quite pretty. She had a quacky voice which scares you so much. This piece is also a direct reflection of what I felt in that process which of course I don't exactly remember because whatever bit of my brain regenerated, it has been placing together the memory cells and deducing the occuring of events. These are the brain cells which ran for their life and stuck to the walls of my cranium.

You see, the theory is such that these women have been endowed with these syringes which they carry in their handbags. Their needles are extremely sharp and their diameters are measured in microns. The women practice swift hand movements while they're talking animatedly and zzzgk! There goes a part of your brain. Now the first incident is with this particularly talented female, talented at the art of sucking your brains with syringe said, "There's something in your hair..." Her finger pulled out a dry yellow tamarind leaf which had fallen on my hair, but by the time I figured it was a leaf, I felt strangely empty in my head.

Since that day, I've been particularly afraid of the sound, zzzgk! You see my fears are not baseless for the sound didn't stop there. I took this really cute chick out once for dinner and she started talking about how she went to buy the perfectly pink sandals for her perfectly pink skirt which she was wearing that day but she figured she had the perfectly white top which she wanted to wear with it so she ended... zzzgk! You see how it works... and by that time, the waiter arrived with a piece of paper in a dish, I said, "I'll consume this dish!" It was the bill.

Since the last six months, every attempt my brain has been making to regenerate... zzzgk!

Coming back to my practicals during college days, at 6 am in the morning, this chick was so well dolled up that I thought she didn't sleep at night. She used to be my lab partner, I turn around and ask her, "Hey, how come you get so much time to glitter your hair, mascara your eyes, choose the perfect colour combinations, the matching set of earrings..." and I just waved my hand gesturing, "all that." She looked at me and said, "You see... Zzzgk!"

So as I was saying, that there was this woman once, who was walking down the street in that perfect shade of green, the one that my heart would go for. I smiled at her and she smiled at me. I went up to her and was thinking of this really awesome line to say but then now I don't remember what that line was because I know I said something clever which she didn't quite understand and before I understood that she didn't understand... zzzgk! Well the story so became that we went dancing that night to find that I couldn't think of anything, not even what I wanted to drink.

Last I heard was that they advanced their technologies to something called digital syringe or probably that was given to officers of higher ranks. I was talking to this woman on phone and well... I'd barely spoken ten words in half an hour of a conversation to feel lighter in the head only to call her again after five minutes. The unbelievable bit is that her high pitched voice really camouflaged the zzzgk on phone.

Ah well, so after coming across a few women like that I realised that the world had to be saved and it was in my hands because I was the only one who realised it. I called up a female friend of mine, one of the intelligent kind and told her about this. She said, "Oh dude! You can't believe it! They do that to me too!"

"What the fuck! This is not just a crisis for the men, it is a crisis for mankind! We have to do something about this!" I climb up my loft and pull out our old clothes bundle which we had decided to give away to this NGO and fished out a white dhoti which my granddad used to wear and he'd nearly worn it out. Tying it around my neck, I said, "This is a job for... Zzzgk!"

Then my friend came over, she had bought a cardboard sword from the hawkers sitting outside shaadis, the one that was covered with silver paper. Yes, we were ready to fight the evil forces. I look at my friend and say, "Did you find the source?"

"These women are not women, they're from the planet Zorg!"

"We can't travel to Zorg! We don't have a spaceship!"

"But we don't need to travel to Zorg! There are two women we have to choose from. One with an orange top and one with a green top!"

"Orange, it must be orange."

Zzzgk!

5 comments:

manisha lakhe said...

it was green! definitely green! see bali's blog!

:)

Dan Husain said...

Ha ha ha ha...very clever and fresh read. And I think I know what Manisha means...they surely were green - two of them ;-)) hahahahaha

Shreeji said...

Ha ha ha..

I think I know where this is comming from! :)

But dude here you are unclearly clear would have loved it even more if could have made unclealy unclear :)

Rude Awakenings said...

hahah.. its true.. they do that to me too!!!

Quicksilver! said...

You deserve to have your brains sucked out or zapped or whatever if you STILL refer to women as 'chicks';))))))))))))