Sunday, November 02, 2008

Lessons we can learn from around us

We have a lot to learn from King Bruce and the fucking spider and stories like that. Actually, we have just one thing to learn from each of those stories like maybe from the ants, on how they keep going on and on and on carrying if I remember correctly, eight times their own weight. Ancient wisdom that has been passed on for years has taught us to live by learning from the animals and insects. I'd usually ask, look where it's got us! But, I am going to change my attitude (I know that is hard to believe) a little and make an attempt to tell similar stories, lessons we can learn from around us.

1. Mosquitoes
blood-filled mosquito
Ah, the noble creatures of blood-sucking nature. They will do anything to suck your blood. They'll keep coming at you again and again despite they know they weigh less than your nail. To test, peel your nail and weigh it on the scales with a mosquito. Make sure you use rather delicate scales. They keep coming at you, hungry as ever, buzzing around you, getting smacked, losing their lives and yet they never learn. Their fat blood-filled selves can be seen clinging onto the walls in the morning, at least the ones that survived your slaughter. Lesson to be learnt: There is always enough blood! If your competitor is stronger, bigger, heavier, there is a good chance you will die but if you don't you're gonna be squished in the morning when you can't carry your own weight.

2. Frogs
Noble, really noble creatures, the frogs. There's a lot that you can learn from them. First and foremost, optimism. No matter how ugly, slimy and green you are and however sure you are that nobody will kiss you, you should keep croaking for a princess. God knows you maybe the Prince, cursed by a ton of bad luck, waiting for the kiss that will transform you into a star. So no matter how ugly, fat, sick, unhygienic you look, you can live your life proudly hopping from one lotus leaf to another in the hope that you'll find a sugardaddy or sugarmommy till one day when you'll just croak. (See, what I did there with the croak pun.) Unfortunately, if you're a toad, we can't help you. So try and be a frog, unleash your inner uglies and stick your tongue out ever so often. Who knows, you might just catch a fly.

Yes, more to come. I hope I keep learning from the many wise (and soon to be extinct) creatures around us so I can educate the rest of you. And no, we're not going to learn anything from the cockroaches. They can't be wise because they're never going to go extinct.

Monday, October 20, 2008

I lend my support to the smokers...

I don't smoke and I don't intend to as of now but I totally support the smokers' rights which are severely abused by the so-called Human Rights activists and the anti-smoking lobby and so this post goes out to all the smokers in their support--

I wish all of you who support the smokers' rights, link this image on their blogs, somewhere. It doesn't matter if the authorities see this or this post inspires a revolution that will change the world because in all probability it won't but I still insist on taking a stand. I also know there won't be any revolution coming our way anytime soon but what the heck! Like we care! But we still insist on showing our unapologetic support to freedom!

Original Video by Tex Williams:

Friday, September 19, 2008

Nonsensical Stories, but still Stories - V

Welcome to yet another edition of Nonsensical Stories, but still Stories. I really don't care if you've read the past four editions or not but for your own better, I'd advise you to. I'm not going to go through the effort of finding and posting the links to earlier four editions, you can do that yourself.

23. Holy Child
Once upon a time in a distant land, there lived an orphan. People called him the holy child because he could recite any scripture from any religion ever since he learnt to talk. Most people didn't understand what he was saying originally because he was reciting the old testament and sometimes even other scriptures in Pali. He had no control over what scripture he would vomit as a kid. So people thought he was a retard and they made him go work at a tea shop. Then one day, people recognised the whole Tulsidas' Ramayana coming out of his mouth which the idiots understood and fell at his feet. His tea became holy tea. They kept insisting he be taken away and treated like a king since this was the return of God himself but he refused. He had already found his simple joy in the simple art of tea making. It was his zen spiritual guide, the boiling tea leaves and their randomness, the impermanence of sugar as it dissolved and the ever changing and evolving colour of the liquid in the vessel.

The End.

24. A Sentence
Sentence was a good girl. She was named so because she never really completed her sentences as a young kid and her father and mother were famous grammar teachers in their city. They were really embarassed of her since they expected their child born out of their eight parts of speech conception to be really perfect. One day, she met a man named Full Stop. His father's name was Bus and his mother's name was Shopper's. They flirted, then there were sparks and then some romance. On a moon-lit night, on a park bench, she looked into his eyes and said: "You complete me" Their marriage was quite a riot. Her parents were finally happy. Soon they had twins Phrase and Clause. Tragedy struck when Full was working hard and he fell into a comma. A lonely Sentence didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to take care of her two kids. Soon, she came across a handsome but mismatched gay couple since they couldn't really do anything together. They just had the same surname, Question and Exclamation Mark. The unhappy couple realised that they both fell in love with Sentence at the same time. They loved each other as well. Thus started a polyamorous relationship between the three. They had eight more kids... C'mon you really want me to tell you the names? Don't you freaking get the pattern by now?! Jeez! I can't believe you aren't chasing me with a fucking sickle for writing this!

The End.

25. Strength and Courage
No, they were not two boys or two girls. They were just strength and courage. They helped a king win a war, a boy fight a bully, a wife beat her drunk husband and a fool die a miserable death.

The End

26. Sex, Whores, Dudes and Double Standards
[title credit to Phil from teh cult]
Guys hate it when girls have slept with as many people, or more than they have. Guys just want to be seed-throwers, so when girls start doing that and in order to compete they start throwing their eggs around, the guys get a complex! They go like "OI! only seeds can be thrown not eggs you dumb whore! Eggs fall and crack open and they're a waste anyways." And then the women go like, "Ow yeah! Fuck off piggyfucking bastard! I will throw eggs too and your mum threw them too!" Then the man goes: "Seeds can be sown and they grow into plants to bear fruits!" Then Paris Hilton says: "Fuck off, man-bitch! Haven't you ever eaten eggplant!" And the rest of womankind feels very sad.

The End.

[More, but later...]

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Postcards from the Super...

Dear Jugal,

Old Jungle Saying, Ghost who walks no write letters, only use talking drums.



Dear Jugal,
Last time it wasn't bad timing, it was me.

Bzzzz, Splat! (& Love)


Dear Jugal,
The princess is in the next castle and she's MINE MINE MINE MINE! Pling!

Taeun Taeun Taeun Taeun Taeun,


Dear Jugal,
No, you can't make babies with me! I'm 3D art!

Deep Heaving Breath,
Lara Croft

P.S.: Stop staring at my tits and concentrate on the game. Even with the cheats on, I don't enjoy being hit so often. I know you've not read anything after my sign-off line.


Dear Jugal,
I am not a superhero! I'm just a figure skater! Stop listening to those 4 white-trash potty-mouth American kids! So next time you're in deep shit, for heaven's sake DO NOT ASK YOURSELF, "What would Brian Boitano do?" Because every time you say that a little seal in the Arctic suffers a horrible death!

Brian Boitano.

P.S.: Why is this letter even here?!


Dear Jugal,

Chuck Norris.


Dear Jugal,
I am your father.

Yours forceibly,
Darth Vader aka Anakin "Papa" Skywalker



Dear Jugal,

I'm sorry Gaia forgot to send you a ring. She just used her Planet Vision to notice your country. You see India wasn't an ethnic cliche in America when I was still on air. Well, we're not saving the world anymore from the rest of mankind so consider this an invitation to come hang out with us for some beers at the island.

The power is yours!

(I'm your hero
Gonna take pollution
Down to zero!)

... and also the planeteers.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

My New Rant: STFU, EcoBitches!

Maybe I'm just lazy or maybe I have a point but I think all you ecological preservation bitches should shut up! You can't save the fucking world if it's really plummeting down! You're too small, too insignificant and no despite whichever great man said what strong will and a bunch of sorry ass hypocrites forming a group CAN'T change history.

Global Warming-Schwarming, My Fat Indian Ass! I still don't believe that humans single-handedly farted so much that the CO2 Levels reached to the point of Greenhouse effect! Maybe they naturally were meant to rise as a pattern, stop blinding yourself to other possibilities and arguments! Nothing is a concrete theory, half of it is assumption promoted by political propaganda as well!

Animal Extinction: Wake Up! It's called Evolution! So if a stupid panda goes extinct, IT IS MEANT TO! It's like a bad magazine going out of circulation! You don't cling to bad magazines or watch bad sitcoms so STOP CLINGING ONTO THE ANIMALS! A few million years and the superhuman will put YOU in a cage and come to watch you in the Living History Museum, ACCEPT IT unless of course you go fucking extinct and the cockroaches survive everything and become the next super intelligent beings! If you go extinct, ACCEPT IT, you were the weaker species who caused your own destruction and couldn't survive the living conditions you created for yourself!

Yeah, we may have fucked up the planet but come on it's a human right that you inherited by having what they call "intelligence". Don't waste it!

You really really really want to be scared of something and work for some cause? Work against Religion and God and War! Try to make sure Religion goes extinct! It's not ecological exploitation that will cause human extinction but it sure as hell will be one big-god-ass war! Be scared of yourself, other humans and be scared of the government, be scared of power, be scared of population! Ask people to STOP FUCKING when women are ovulating! There's a difference between procreational and recreational sex! We'll drown in our own flesh and blood if we keep copulating at this rate! But then maybe that just will imply that some of us will become animalistic slaves to the elitists!

P.S.: Don't trust the Chinese government! The people and food and kung fu are nice!

(This is a rant and may be edited at a later stage if something else strikes me when I read this again tomorrow.)

Monday, August 18, 2008

Thursday, July 10, 2008

A Sea Full Of Orange

Are you one of them? Are you anybody in there?

If you can spot your name, special prize for you!

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Choke Motivational Posters

With one of my favourite novels finally coming out as a movie with actors who I am in love with, I realised how much I missed doing fanboy stuff! So here we are viral motivational poster for Choke!

But first, the movie poster:

Here's my motivational poster, Rejoice! Man! The rush of working on a fanboy submission!

And no, it didn't stop here. I made four more after this one. To see the others, click here.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Nonsensical Stories, but still Stories - IV

Welcome to the fourth edition of... whatever.

18. Twenty Four Hours
"If you had twenty four hours to live, what would you do?"
"Commit suicide."
"Well, for starters, I'd be hell depressed that I'm gonna die in a day!"

The End.

19. Chicken & curry leaves
Dinner is always watching chicken sizzling in a pan full of curry leaves and some oil. Beyond that dinner will not have any chicken because there are too many bones and curry leaves and if I wanted to fish then I'd have gone fishing and eaten fish!

The End.

20. Rocket Science
Waiting at the bus stop isn't always fun except you meet, "A Rocket Scientist."
And you say, "Really?"
"Yep, really."
"So you work for ISRO?"
"I'm sorry, pardon my ignorance, I don't know any other organisations dealing with rockets. Which one do you work for?"
"I don't work for anyone. I'm just a rocket scientist."
"So you design/build rockets?"
"Not really."
"Then what do you do?"
"Didn't I tell you I am a rocket scientist?!"
"So what is the work a rocket scientist does?"
"Jesus, dude! Give me a break! It's not rocket science to figure out what a rocket scientist does!"

The End.

21. Your Father...

is offended because Your Mother jokes are so popular that they're on the verge of becoming a cliche. He came to me last night complaining, bitching and whining. He was drunk, "Your Mother's not funny!"
I smiled and looked up from my glasses, "Is Your Mother?"
"No, nobody's mother is not funny!"
"Then who is?"
"Your Father!"

The End.

22. Wayfarers

"What is cool?"
"Why not caps or torn jeans?"
"If you wear sunglasses when you're not in sun, is it cool?"
"Depends on what sunglasses you're wearing."
"What if I was wearing sunglasses indoors?"
"Yep, wayfarers. Go for 'em. You'll look cool anywhere, even indoors."

The End.

-- more to come in the fourth edition --

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Sunday, March 30, 2008

One of the best on-screen romance scenes ever!

Off lately, I've been catching a lot, and by lot I mean a LOfuckingOT of television series. I've watched all episodes of Two And A Half Men, How I Met Your Mother, 30 Rock, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Reaper, Chuck... Each of them cool in their own way but one romantic scene stood out distincter than the distinctest. It was just out there and I fell in love while watching it (with whom, I am yet to find out, but I did fall in love just watching this scene).

Chuck is a series about a geek who accidentally downloads the CIA-NSA intersect database onto his brain, two agents (one from each CIA and NSA) are out there to guard this "national property". In the first episode they discover that when triggered with the right visual input his brain gets flashes from the database that tell him more about the visual input. On the less exciting side of his life, Chuck is a nerd who repairs computers/electronics at an outlet store called Buy More. On one such boring day, he meets Lou. Lou makes sandwiches at a deli nearby and Chuck apart from being a nerd and a national secret, is a sandwich geek. That should be enough to enjoy this scene... Oh and the title credits animation with Cake's Short Skirt and Long Jacket playing as title them totally rocks this world.

P.S.: After the above scene ends the head chef says, "He had me at Pastrami..." Makes this the hottest romantic scene ever, doesn't it? What is coolest is they have this whole sandwich chemistry going on between them... Ah, it breaks my heart that she only did a 2 episode appearance in the season (of course owing to storyline and for no other reason).

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Love, Labour and Fruits

The one major difference between God and the Devil is that the Devil is downright and madly in love with his job.

The one reason why the Devil is happier than God is that the Devil is downright and madly in love with his job, which for now we shall call 'his labour' and God is in love with the fruit of His labour, His creations - Us. (That is if we go by what almost all major religions say, 'God loves you!')

And in all His infinite wisdom, God once said what I will now paraphrase: "Love your work not the fruits you receive when you're done."

Oh, oh and before I forget, I have a theme song for this post:

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Melanin is the anti-Chlorophyll.

This is the secret to why plants and animals are the exactly opposite living things of each other, the balance that is required to keep the secrets of the universe in their natural order.

Why Melanin is the anti-Chlorophyll?
1. Melanin does nothing to provide energy to the body. Chlorophyll is required for respiration, hence food production. Exactly opposite behaviour with respect to energy production in a living body.

2. The presence of melanin is more in the parts of the body that gets the most sunlight. Hence, presence of melanin is proportional to exposure to sunlight. The presence of chlorophyll is in inverse proportion to the exposure to sunlight. The side of the leaf which faces up ward or towards the sun is always lighter in shade of green as compared to the side of the leaf which faces downward or in the direction opposite to that of sunlight. Again exactly opposite behaviour with respect to sunlight.

Hence, proved.