Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Nonsensical Stories, but still Stories

1. The God who said, "Cunt!"
"We are inside an ancient temple where at least one thousand gods are said to have lived at some point or the other. It is also said that they still come back for a holiday at times. They come here to relax away from the prayers of their devotees because it is said that this is the temple where the gods let go and relax."

The ceiling at this point illuminates with red borders and a voice booms: "This is an asylum, cunt! Gods come here to get cured of their mental illnesses, stress and trauma that cunts like you fill our lives with."

The End.


2. Pastonji, the pig
A long time back, there lived a pig. And a short time back, there lived Pastonji. The pig had helminthes called Taena Solium. Pastonji had the pig.

The End.


3. Impending
The smell of burnt onion wafts into the air, I can smell amul butter with the onion too. Practice of 23 years of smelling what's in the kitchen before deciding the mercury levels on the appetite callibre markings on my stomach. Right now, mercury rising. The smell of burnt onion brings the image of an impending dosa, in a ladle, the sizzling sound and the colour yellow of potato-onion sabzi. Now, there are a few things in the world for which killing, bomb squad, blood splatter can all wait.

The End.


4. Post break-up furious
There is always a furious make out session post break-up. There are times when one of the two doesn't have balls and there isn't. There are times when one doesn't have balls and there is no break-up. There are times when one doesn't have balls and there is no affair in the first place to break-up. There are times when one has smashed balls pre-affair or post-break-up and at times mid-session break-up, usually the last words in the last case are inaudible.

The End.


5. Outsourced Thinking
God outsourced the world's thinking to two people, Ling Wong Chai in Shanghai and me here in Bangalore. Your father really worried about the pack of condoms he bought from the paan-wallah. Your mother, unfortunately thought in chinese, so I can't tell. You for that matter should worry about your monitor right now, it won't like that bottle of beer, really.

The End.


6. The Movies
Om Mangalam Bhagawaan Vishnu
Om Mangalam Garuda Dhwaja
Om Mangalam Pundari Kaaksha
Om Mangalaaya Tanno Hari

If this is a hindi movie. Then *coughs* someone is getting married.

Kanya ke pitaa kanya ko le aayein...

The End.


7. The Emperor's New Move
"You got to learn to shake your pelvis to be able to impersonate Elvis!" The dance master shouted.

The Empress giggled as the Emperor wiggled. So the emperor got pissed and he fucked the empress over it. He fucked her good, I've been told.

Furious, he then shouted, "I'm the emperor, I don't need to be a king!"

The End.


Note: No. 8 is written by friend and ex-colleague, Sharan, a true connoisseur and practitioner of the art form. So here we go, ladies and gentlemen, presenting Sharan!

8. The Monkeys of SharaRa

There once lived a monkey in SharaRa. And then, he married Shamita Shetty. And that's about it.

The End.


-- More might come --

4 comments:

dhruv said...

Impending makes me feel hungry -- u know all those acids secreting in my stomach.... ummmm....

dhruv said...

Lets see some more!!!!

Blue Athena said...

As I mentioned, you and your rank fascination to shock sensibilities! :D

sorceress insence said...

loved it... was quite a read...