i can also ramble...

i dont want my house
i dont want my family
i feel guilty for not wanting this because they love me so much
i am responsible abt so many things but i dont want this because its pulling me down. This thought comes into my head at least once in a day and then i sulk like hell for even thinking this
im tired, im fucking tired of anything and everything that's shitty, crappy, sad, bad, unhappy i so wish to just become a recluse and live by myself... having fun starting all over again ground zero
im bored
i dont feel like going to work
im procastinating
im sweaty and stinking
heat's killing
im bored
im dying
im itching to just go and jump off a building
and i want to just go and dive in a gutter stink there and live there
i want to get drunk and puke everything that i've eaten out toss myself around like no ones business cathartic drinking puking all the fucking vile out.

i want to take a big hammer and break down some house, probably mine.
i want to take a gun and go on a killing spree killing every guy i meet on the way
i want to bring down a guy using my fists, punch him, punch him hard and harder till his face looks like a rotten lollipop
i want to kick someone in the ribs so bad so hard that his insides come straight outta his mouth and he dies
kick and kick and kick and kick till every rib comes outta his mouth.
i wanna take a car and run it into every shop which is having it's shutter down and break into it.
i wanna graffiti on the big hoardings that they've put up on every street.
i wanna bomb the bank, burn everyone's money.
i just want someone to hit back at me hard so that i start crying someone to take a revenge against me for all those things i do so that finally i cry and cry and cry and may be die.
im bored
im bored because i dont know what will happen tmrw
im bored because my mind is paranoid about it
im bored because i think too much
im bored because when im bored i think too much ahead in time
im bored because i know im thinking dreams and not a plan
im bored because i REALLY dont want to plan
im bored because why the fuck do i have to think so much ahead
im bored because i think no one really appreciates me...
im bored because im mindfucked
im bored because i want a break
im bored because im sick
im bored because i hate the world
im bored because i hate everyone who lives
im bored because i hate myself too
im just bored.
had fun reading all this?