Nonsensical Stories, but still Stories - II

Yes, the threat at the end of this post is now being implemented.

9. The Threat
He said he would do it. He really did. I shuddered when he said he would. I thought he should have been dead when he said he could. I tried to stop him when he said he should. He looked out the window, saw his dad and called out, "Dude!"

The End.


10. Ping
Once upon a time, in a country far far away there was an old couple. Because their IQ was high, they did not want children till they were settled in life. So post retirement the woman decided to crave a child because she wanted some activity now that her workaholism had no job to devour upon. Both of them had MBA degrees and had been working long days at their respective jobs. They had many million dollars and their money was working for them now. They bought a mansion on the bank of a river and waited for Momotaro. The woman would just go to the river bank and wash her dirty underwear and linen in public only so that Momotaro would come to them. Unfortunately, she got one part wrong in the legend.

There came on a peach boat, a full grown man, a dog, a monkey and a pheasant. The old couple rejoiced. While they were making their calls to organise a grand party from their expensive cellphones, the boy from the peach boat shoved two long swords into their retired bodies and said, "My name is... Ping!"

The End.


11. An Interview with Caveman
"Hey Caveman, what are you doing?"
"Cave paintings, what else? Hunting season's over."
"What do you paint?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"Err... ok... because I think you're lying. You're just hiding inside the cave because you're too scared of the T-Rex."
"Yep, that too."
"That too?"
"Yes. I am actually making horror genre paintings for the T-Rex. I will put them up outside the cave. That will scare the T-Rex into running away."
"What are horror T-Rex paintings?"
"There's one called T-Rex Kebab, Tandoori T-Rex, T-Rex Masala Fry..."
"That won't work. They don't understand paintings!"
"Well, they do understand seeing themselves as food, don't they?"
"Have you discovered fire yet?"
"No, but I've discovered the wheel. Want to ride?"
"You mean, you eat raw food?!"
"I actually decided to invent a time machine before fire."
"Raw food?!"
"No way! We go to the volcano to cook our food."
"Oh, that's a long walk."
"Yes, that is why for lazy days, we carry bucketful of lava back in this bucket. There's a lava tank in my backyard, go check on it."

The End.


12. Monkeys, Peanuts and Classical Conditioning
A woman walks into an office. Resume. Interview. Job Confirmed. Papers signed.
HR Manager says, "We pay peanuts."
Woman says, "Excuse me? I don't understand."
HR Manager smirks, "Start working, you will."
In December, out walks a frustrated monkey.

The End.